Another day, another headline guaranteed to send every child-free woman over 25 into a spin.
This time, it’s Mary Nightingale, who suggested at a Wellbeing for Women event that women should be starting families at 23 if they want to have three kids.
Help.
While I’ve got no doubt Mary was trying to be helpful with her comments – after all, she had her two kids at 39 and 40 and says she was very ‘lucky’ to do so – such statements aren’t exactly music to the ears of someone in their late twenties with no prospect of kids on the horizon.
‘I screeched in at the last moment’ Mary said, encouraging other women to be aware of their fertility, and not assume that waiting until 39 was a great option for everyone.
TV newsreader Mary Nightingale
Well, I can tell you one thing Mary – no woman with hopes of having kids one day is unaware of their apparently ever-dwindling fertility.
My friends and I have all read the articles, reminding us that we need to get on with having kids RIGHT NOW, and taken heed of the expert warnings that our chances of becoming mothers will ‘fall of a cliff’ when we reach our mid-thirties.
But the thing is, having kids later in life isn’t necessarily a woman’s choice.
Firstly there’s the fact that, at 23, most of us were scrabbling around to find our first – extremely low paid – job, already saddled with debt from university and the inevitable unpaid internships that followed.
Even by our late twenties, the possibility of home ownership for many of us is so far off it’s almost laughable. According to the Guardian, growth in young adults’ wages has been lagging behind that of others for decades, while house prices continue to soar. Seriously now, how can you have a child when you live in a one-bed flat with barely enough room to dry your washing?!
Then there’s the matter of men, who often – quite unfathomably – seem to get left out of all the dire warnings about having kids early. Given that numerous girlfriends of mine have had to issue ultimatums to their partners in order to get a proposal (‘We’re too young!’ bluster 32-year-old men at the prospect) – I can’t see why women are blamed for doing the whole ‘growing up’ thing too slowly.
And let’s not even get started on the 'playing the field' mentality, which once was the realm of 22-year-old men but now, largely thanks to Tinder, seems to be creeping up through the thirties. Hearing tales from my single friends, I can assure you men’s refusal to settle down is a big factor in the issue of delayed parenthood.
I’m not saying that, were we all rich and with committed men, women would suddenly want babies at 23. There is, after all, the small matter of ‘having a life’ to be considered. Obviously you can still have a lovely time once you’ve had kids, but nights out with friends, adventurous holidays, sporting exploits and spontaneous dates with your other half aren’t at all easy when your baby is your priority.
However, the assumption that women are increasingly delaying motherhood because they want to continue with this care-free, early twenties lifestyle forever is largely wrong.
Let's stop with this rhetoric that women are putting off kids because they are ‘ignoring their fertility’ - instead how about giving us advice on finding jobs that pay well, affordable homes and men who don’t go into meltdown at the mention of the word ‘baby’...
(Images: Getty)
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