1 ‘I’m so sorry.’
Buckets of sympathy are what’s needed in the early stages. There’s no need for analysis of the whys and what-ifs. She just needs to know that you appreciate how rock-bottom-sad this has made her feel.
2 ‘Do you want to talk about it?’
Jane Austen knew a thing or two about love going horribly wrong, but she also knew that ‘Friendship is certainly the finest balm for the pangs of disappointed love’ (Northanger Abbey). And although you are your daughter’s mum, at times like this you’re also a friend she can trust – and that means being there when you’re wanted, and dropping everything when she’s ready to talk.
3. ‘Ask the girls round.’
If your friendship isn't quite doing it, suggest she asks her girlfriends over for a sleepover at the weekend. A few chick flicks and empty pizza boxes later, she’ll be feeling a lot brighter.
4 ‘Is it really over?’
Is there any hope (or fear) that this romance could revive? You asking the question gives her an opportunity to express how she’s feeling, and you might get a bit more background about what on earth’s been going on.
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5 ‘You’re wonderful – and here’s why.’
Rejection is extremely hard to accept at any age, and her self-esteem will have plummeted. So reassure her that she is a unique, clever, gorgeous young woman. You’ll have plenty of great examples to draw on - and you’re her mum, so you should know…
6 ‘It’s not your fault.’
She’ll also be blaming herself for not being good enough, clever enough, pretty enough, fun enough – anything enough – for the heartbreaker. So it’s your job to fill her in on the fact that a relationship break-up is not her fault. It just sometimes happens that way.
7 ‘Shall we go shopping?’
It’s not original. It’s not clever. But a nice bit of retail therapy never did anyone any harm. And a broken heart might feel a bit better when it’s covered with a gorgeously fluffy new jumper.
8 ‘I’ll stick the kettle on.’
A hot cup of tea is the grand soother of all woes. So get out your nicest mugs and start brewing.
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9 ‘Let’s make some scones.’
Moping about and bursting into tears at regular intervals is exhausting. And there’s nothing like a nice, creative baking session with flour, eggs, butter, sugar and lots of kneading, to calm her mind and take her back to basics. Oh, and you both get to eat them hot, with butter. And jam. And cream…
10 Could you vacuum the stairs, please?
The scones were just for starters. It’s time to get grounded. And a few homely household chores will remind her (without you having to) that life does go on, and stuff still needs to be done, even though she feels as though the sun will never shine again.
11 ‘I love you.’
We all need to hear it. So remember to tell her.
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