‘Are you coming to bed, darling?’ comes the call from the bedroom, where my partner Ron is already tucked up under the duvet.

‘Won’t be a mo, just checking my emails,’ I shout back from the spare room next door, which doubles up as a study. I hear a harrumph. ‘Do you really have to at this time of night? Can’t it wait til morning?’

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I’m torn. What I should do is go to bed right now. Cuddles, not computers, should be the priority at bedtime. So, addict that I am, I vow to take the quickest of peeks, on a just-in-case-it’s-urgent basis, although I already know that at 11.15pm there won’t be anything that needs dealing with immediately. But while I’m on the computer anyway, I suddenly recall that I wanted to check out the reviews of a new play I’m thinking of booking tickets for. And then I remember the name of the author of the book I wanted to order from Amazon. And before I know it, 20 minutes of Googling have whizzed past and by the time I walk into the bedroom, Ron is sound asleep. I’m slightly disappointed – in him, but more particularly in myself.

When I do get quietly into bed in the already darkened room, I turn over to find a comfortable position and feel something cold and hard up against my thigh. It’s his mobile, which he forgot to place on the bedside table. The adult equivalent of a teddy bear. And another example of how digital gadgetry is killing off libido.

According to researchers from University College London, who surveyed 15,000 adults about their sex lives, on average people are having sex less frequently than they were 10 years ago. You can blame the long hours culture, and you can blame the pressures on women of having to juggle work and motherhood (although they’ve been doing that for decades), but the real culprits when it comes to a less active sex life are the iPad, the laptop and the smartphone. As the division between work and home has become increasingly blurred, our relationships have become skewed by the presence of digital technology.

This isn't just an issue for the young. When Ron and I entered into our relationship just five years ago - we were both in our mid 50s - I vowed to put intimacy at the top of the agenda. In my 20-year marriage I’d seen how putting sex at the bottom of the to-do list gradually eroded our relationship both in and out of bed. With children no longer at home, Ron and I had the time and the energy to devote to one another. We could stay in bed until noon at weekends if we wanted to – and sometimes we did.

Five years ago, when we’d go out to a restaurant, we held hands across the candlelit table with nothing between us other than the bread basket. Now our smartphones nestle between us like attention-seeking infants. They constantly twinkle, beep and buzz. Sometimes they ring and one or other of us has to dash outside so we can hear who’s calling. But at least we talk to one another. I watch young people out on dates who might as well be on different continents, they’re so busy with their phones. No wonder they’re having less sex. For good sex, foreplay and flirtation should start over dinner, but how can it when they’re constantly tapping into their telephone keypads?

Some couples in their 60s are quite content to swap sex for cocoa. But I’m not, and neither is my partner. I never dreamt that becoming a Silver Surfer would get in the way of my being a Silver Fox. So from now on there’s going to be a new rule in our house: one we’ve both agreed upon. No laptop, no iPad, no mobile phone after the 9 o’clock watershed. I wonder how long we’ll keep it up?

Read Linda Kelsey's previous blogs here: The Age of Unreason.

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