'the nest felt well and truly empty' - why I crashed my child's gap year (plus - what the daughter thought...)

A gap year had never occurred to me until my daughter, Georgie, took a year out before university to teach in East Asia. I’d never had a sabbatical of any kind, having gone from school straight into work.

Over the next 25 years, jobs came and went. I got married to Paul and we had Georgie, our only child. We had lovely family holidays but they were mostly a modest fortnight away. Slowly, a feeling began to gnaw at me – the desire to really travel. What I never expected, however, was for Georgie to become my escape route.

Georgie had secured a job teaching Spanish and history in South Korea for a year between A levels and university. Paul and I knew the separation was likely to be a wrench, but it was only after we’d waved her off at the airport that the reality of it hit home. One minute I was French-plaiting her hair; the next she was hurtling to the other side of the world. The absurdity of it was shocking, and as I tracked the progress of her flight through the night, the nest felt well and truly empty.

Over dinner the next night, Paul and I discussed our feelings. Could we join her? Maybe meet her somewhere like Japan? Take her out for wonderful meals? Do some fun sightseeing?

We hesitated about whether it was the right thing to do, but took the plunge and messaged her. We needn’t have worried; she was delighted. We arranged to meet during Georgie’s Easter break – and when I spotted her running towards me through the airport, wearing her familiar skinny jeans and faded T-shirt, long hair flying and that beaming smile, my heart leapt. That first hug felt so good.

Japan was a revelation; so dramatically different from anywhere else I’d visited. We slept on tatami mats in ryokans (traditional Japanese inns) and we bathed in steaming mountainside onsen (natural hot springs) overlooking tumbling rivers. We ate extraordinary food and drank warm saké. It was cherry blossom season and drifts of impossibly beautiful pale pink flowers framed every unique new experience.

Georgie had matured and grown more confident. We listened in awe as she explained that she was enjoying a new romance, and how she’d planned a slew of journeys from
Korea to Vietnam and Laos with her new friends. We were impressed to see how self-reliant she’d become.

There are often two ‘gap years’ in a young person’s life – one before uni, the other post-uni, before starting work, says Milly Whitehead of gap-year travel specialist The Leap.
And intergenerational gap years have become more mainstream. In 2024, travel company Wix Squared reported a 50% increase in the number of parents deciding to join their children on their travels. But should we exercise caution when it comes to travelling with our kids? ‘Parents want to join, but I try to put them off,’ says Milly. ‘It can be discombobulating when [the kids have] just got into the backpacking groove to be showered with luxuries when parents arrive and then have to go roughing it again afterwards.’

Sound advice, I’m sure – but words I was happy to ignore, as Georgie was now gearing up for her second gap year – this time to Australia, with boyfriend Ali. She was no longer a backpacking undergraduate, but a fully fledged adult who’d completed a degree in history and Spanish and an MA in acting.

Once they’d secured their year-long working visas, we suggested we join them for a month over Christmas. Paul and I had never spent Christmas apart from Georgie, and the idea of celebrating in the sunshine was extremely appealing. Once again, we wondered if our suggestion might be unwelcome but, once again, we needn’t have worried. They were all for it.

Australia is a long way to go, so to make the most of it we decided to part with the £7,600 needed for two sets of round-the-world tickets. Inspired by Georgie’s first gap year,
we wanted one of our own, travelling for two months and taking in Japan (again) and southeast Asia as well as Australia, before flying home via San Francisco. As self-employed freelancers, we could both work remotely as we travelled; renting out our home while we were away was also a big help in funding our trip.

This time, we saw Japan in full autumnal splendour, then headed for Laos and temple-spotted our way down through Cambodia, the magnificent Mekong River our constant companion. When we arrived in Melbourne four weeks later, Georgie and Ali met us at the airport – tanned, happy and excited to show us the city.

It felt exhilarating to be somewhere hot for Christmas, enjoying a beach barbecue, a swim and a fizz-induced nap in a gently swaying garden hammock. But what I treasured
most was the opportunity to bond with my grown-up daughter and rediscover the closeness we’d once shared.

There was a very special day when Georgie and I went to McIver’s Ladies Baths, a breathtaking ocean rock pool near Sydney. Georgie opened up about her career plans, full of ideas and enthusiasm for her own new pieces of writing. Being away from home had clearly uncorked something. Another time, lying on the grass in Arthur Circus Park in Battery Point, Hobart, she revealed she’d felt a welcome sense of calm since coming to Australia, as if living in the world was easier now she’d experienced more of it. She was relaxed about life and excited about her future.

I was also touched and quietly proud to find out later that Georgie and Ali had crammed multiple, extra-long work shifts into the time around our visit so they could take the time off to be with us without falling behind on their rent.

What I hadn’t expected was to enjoy the company of other twentysomethings we met on our travels as much as I did as we journeyed through Southeast Asia. We had to wait hours at dusty border crossings and the time we passed with backpackers there was a joy – drinking beer and comparing stories about the wonders we’d seen. Age wasn’t an issue; I felt like just another traveller.

I learned so much from these trips and I want to continue to explore the world. But first, a mother/daughter trip is in the planning. When Georgie is next home, we’re thinking about a few days on the Suffolk coast, for bracing swims in the cold North Sea and hot, salty fish and chips on the sea wall. Learning about each other and catching up still – but this time, much closer to home.

What did Georgie think?

I was hugely hoping Mum and Dad would come to visit, especially as there had been some teasing from Dad that maybe they wouldn’t. I thought it was the coolest thing that they were joining us in Oz, and that they were going to use our trip as a springboard for a mega trip for both of them. I was actually thrilled to tell friends that they were coming.

The afternoon at Arthur Circus Park was pretty special; lying on the grass, birds twittering, little kids playing on the swings, reading our books. It was such a beautiful spot and our trip had been full of loud, boozy fun until then, so it was very special to have a moment to ourselves as mother and daughter.

My only reservation was that Ali and I had just had his family out to visit, and there were only six days in between them leaving and Mum and Dad arriving, so we crammed in work before the next set of parents arrived to spoil us with delicious meals out and wine. I was worried that Ali might need some time to himself, but he was thrilled and excited about the visit – although he was quietly alarmed about the idea I’d discussed with Mum and Dad of spending a week crammed into a four-person camper van careering around Tasmania. A seven-day sleepover in bunk beds next to your girlfriend’s parents is quite full-on! He was pretty relieved when we decided that Airbnbs were the way to go.