"I began to realise I had to work on my relationship with myself before I could hope to pursue a healthy one with another person," is how author and podcaster Elizabeth Day describes her dating turnaround. She was 39, newly divorced and daunted by the dating world of apps and swipes that she found herself in: "A seemingly endless cycle of intangible hope, disappointing reality and the gradual crushing of dreams under the heel of online algorithms."

When it came to dating, Elizabeth had to learn a new set of skills, an education that has now resulted not just in marriage (more on that later), but a podcast How To Date. Co-hosted with Married at First Sight’s relationship expert Melanie Schilling, the two series of How To Date are filled with empathetic and practical advice from the pair – who both, incidentally, met their now-husbands online.

"Within every rejection, there's a seed of protection"

Here, four of Elizabeth and Mel’s smartest dating pledges – wise words from two women who have been through the same gamut of dating fuckwittery (technical term) as the rest of us.

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Pledge #1: Be Yourself

How To Date’s guiding principle is to encourage listeners to show up as the best version of themselves, both on dating apps and in real life. “You can only show up as yourself in a romantic relationship if you’ve taken the time to work on your self worth and self acceptance,” says Elizabeth. “Building confidence and loving yourself first,” is how Mel puts it. “Sometimes the most important person you can date is yourself.”

Pledge #2: Be Date Ready

Before you download those apps, ask yourself if you’re ready to be stepping back into the dating game again. Well-meaning married friends telling you to “get back on the horse” and “all you need is a rebound fling” is not a reason, says Mel. It’s important, both women say, to process any hurt and upset from previous relationships – you don’t want to carry that pain into your romantic future. “It’s really important that nothing is left unexamined,” says Mel.

Pledge #3: Be Okay With Romantic Rejection

Failure is a subject close to Elizabeth’s heart. As fans of her other podcast How To Fail will know, she is fascinated by the life lessons to be found in failure, and her “serial dating” adventures provided her with plenty of them. “I now understand that within every rejection there is a seed of protection,” she says. “You are being protected from the relationship that is not right for you.”

Pledge #4: Be Open to The Unexpected

It was a two-hour window for coffee that led to Elizabeth meeting her now-husband. Not just a narrow timeframe, but she had also booked a one-way ticket to a new life in LA – in other words, her mind was elsewhere when she walked into Claridge's hotel in London that evening for a quick drink. Long story short, that move to LA never happened, and Elizabeth and Justin have now been married for seven years. The lesson? You never ever know what is around the corner. You might think it’s the Hollywood sign, but it turns out to be a divorced father of three who is the perfect man for you. Just ask Elizabeth, happy endings don’t always follow the script.