You like the kitchen cleaned straight after dinner; your partner prefers to relax after eating and wait till morning. You love a clean house but don't care about mess; your partner spends ages tidying but ignores the need to dust. You throw leftovers away; your partner saves tiny bowlfuls in the fridge.
There's nothing like clashing housekeeping styles to set teeth on edge. And if the peaceful equilibrium of your relationship is constantly being undermined by housework tussles, then it might be time for a reset. After all, when there are truly worrying parts of life to grapple with (ageing parents, troublesome teens, non-existent pensions, anxiety-inducing grown-up children), why let a little untidyness come between you?
'Try to understand and accept your differences,' says psychologist Dr Sandra Wheatley. 'You’re going to have different views of what is and isn’t acceptable. Sometimes that’s frustrating but the different perspectives people have are also what makes life interesting. Try and come at those differences from a place of compassion – it will make communication a lot easier.'
Dr Wheatley recommends deploying common sense tactics as a starting point. 'If they always chuck their shoes at the bottom of the stairs, that’s a trip hazard,' she says. And if clutter is an issue, decluttering expert Georgina Burnett suggests using the PAD method to restore relations (Prioritise, Assess, give it a Deadline).
Prioritise...
'Decide rooms you use the most, or which ones will have the biggest impact on your mood,' says Georgina. 'Talk to your partner about these rooms first.'
Assess...
Next: 'Assess your clutter weak spots. Which areas tend to get most cluttered on a regular basis and which are the ones that your partner always seems to miss? Highlight these worst offenders and ask your partner to do a little here every day, or every time they walk into that room.
Give it a deadline...
Finally: 'Have a Deadline. Nominate days in the diary for tackling each room or area. This could be a weekly rota, or perhaps you and your partner set aside a day each month to do a larger declutter. It’s easy for life to get in the way and it won’t get done unless you have those deadlines in mind.'
And if all else fails?
Well, it might be time to learn how to compromise, says Dr Wheatley.
'Compromise is something to embrace - it does make your life better. A little bit of untidiness here and there is alright. Messiness is a fact of life, and it’s not worth getting your knickers in a twist about.'
