Q "I’ve seen the story in the news about The Dowager Duchess of Rutland splitting her inheritance into unequal chunks. I don’t have as much money as the duchess, but as the mother of two grown-up daughters in their 30s, I am feeling similarly torn. One of them is great with money, while the other is a mess. I’m now thinking about my will and wonder if I should leave more to the daughter who has greater financial need?"

A Show me a parent of more than one child who says they treat them exactly the same and I’ll show you a liar! It’s natural for you to want to support the daughter who you perceive to be struggling – but this is a really complex situation that could have implications long after you’re still around, so it’s key to think it all through carefully. We asked the experts for their advice on how to handle this…

"As a fellow mum of two, I genuinely struggle between head and heart on this one," says Holly Mackay, founder and CEO of Boring Money. "Kids are very different and you know their unique vulnerabilities – supporting their individual weaknesses or challenges is natural. However, I believe we need to think about the relationship between our kids and not just the relationship between us and them. Sibling rivalry can be deep-rooted and any implied or actual preferential treatment will cause resentment from even the most saintly child. I also advocate honesty and upfront conversations about money, however toe-curling that might feel."

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Psychotherapist Catriona Wrottesley frequently encounters this kind of dilemma in the families she works with. "This sets off alarm bells," she says. "Think carefully about the fact that this inequality could be interpreted as you favouring one daughter over the other. By treating them differently financially, you could potentially be leaving your daughters a lasting legacy of resentment and conflict in their relationship."

"I’d advise you to consider making your will equal," adds Catriona. "Your last will and testament is not just about money, and I’m sure you don’t want to leave your eldest daughter with the lasting impression that you didn’t love her as much as your younger one. I wish you well with your decision."