18 questions that still need answering about Love Actually

It's nearly Christmas, which means a few things. The mulled wine's out, Michael Buble's on, and the nation has already begun ticking Love Actually viewings off their December ration list.

And while four times in a month seems a little meagre (shall we make it five?), there are a few questions we'd still like answering about the classic Christmas movie, even after the 100th watch.

1. What actually is Natalie's job?

Inappropriate swearer? Biscuit provider?

2. Why is Billy Mack recording a Christmas single five weeks before Christmas? FIVE?

For a man who's been in the business that long, surely he knows he needs longer than 35 days to record and launch a Christmas number one campaign.

3. Why is Mia planning the Christmas party THREE WEEKS before Christmas?

PLANNING. THE. PARTY. When is the party? The 24th? Someone fire Mia for being rubbish at her job and ruining Emma Thompson's marriage.

4. Did Colin Firth get all that garlic through customs?

Asking the important questions.

5. How does Jamie know where Aurelia lives?

Jamie moves to his cottage. In France. When he goes to propose to Aurelia, he goes to her house in Portugal. All fine.

EXCEPT. HOW DOES HE KNOW WHERE SHE LIVES AND WHAT HER DAD LOOKS LIKE IF IT'S A SURPRISE?

6. Does Mark live in an art shop?

Someone explain why everything's wrapped in cellophane!

7. AND, does Mark's best friend really think it's carol singers?

Oh yeah, just a perfect rendition of 'Silent Night' coming from the local punters.

8. Does anyone even sing carols anymore?

If someone turned up at our door the whole household would probably come to watch.

9. Why is this woman just stood there when the PM's dancing?

Are those files important or did she just fancy a chat?

10. How big was the film's turtleneck budget?

Important.

11. Why is Natalie fat-shamed so much?

"Sizeable thighs".

"Thighs the size of tree trunks".

"God you weigh a lot".

No thanks.

12. Why does Jamie use a typewriter in 2003?

Apple had released an actual Mac iBook by then.

13. Why is Sarah wearing a hat and coat inside to a wedding?

A beanie.

14. Why does no one take the fact America and the UK are about to go to war seriously?

Oh no big deal, David's probably just started WWIII but it's OK because he loves Natalie and JK Rowling wrote Harry Potter so EVERYTHING'S FINE.

15. Why is there someone juggling in the office?

16. Why did Harry think he'd found a Joni Mitchell album that Karen DIDN'T. ALREADY. OWN?

Newsflash: if someone is an artist's biggest fan, they probably own everything they've written already.

17. Who goes to the airport on the night of their starring role at the Christmas concert?

C'mon Joanna, take a day off.

18. Why is Jamie's brother invited over for Christmas despite ruining his brother's relationship?

While his brother taunts him from the back, the children chant "we hate Uncle Jamie from the front". Not a great time to be Colin Firth.