Do you ever find yourself doing the very thing you swore you wouldn’t? Me too. And as a psychotherapist, I know it’s not about laziness or lack of discipline, it’s about being human.
I often say that Sunday nights feel like mini New Year’s Eves. There’s a buzz of hopefulness, a sense of a shiny reset button. Monday promises a new start, the week you’ll finally stick to the routine, go to bed earlier, make the healthier choice. But then life happens. The kids don’t sleep. Work piles up. You hit the snooze button, and suddenly your best intentions unravel.
The truth is, willpower alone won’t build long-lasting change. So what will? The answer is understanding how we make good decisions, and why we sometimes don’t.
In my new book, The Good Decision Diary, I explore why even our most nurturing choices can turn into pressure points when we expect ourselves to grow in a straight line. Real change doesn’t happen in giant leaps. Instead, it’s made up of small, imperfect moments stacked on top of each other. So how can we make those better choices more often?
There’s often an invisible tug-of-war behind our everyday choices that can make it feel overwhelming to do the thing that nurtures and grows us. And, even though we sometimes know what we want to do, we can self-sabotage and walk confidently, with our eyes wide open, into the choice we swore we wouldn’t make.
There are reasons why we struggle to make good choices, and just as I explain to my psychotherapy clients, it’s not that we’re lazy or broken, it’s that we’re human. The truth is that we’ve been sold a lie. Forming new habits has little to do with having rigid discipline. In fact, it’s more about understanding the real reasons why we struggle to follow through. If you’re feeling stuck in a cycle of good intentions that never quite last, here are some gentle, grounded shifts that can make habits stick, without relying on perfection.
1. Make it frictionless
Good habits stick when they’re accessible. Keep your journal on your pillow so it greets you at bedtime. Lay out your gym clothes the night before. Reducing the number of decisions you have to make in the moment is key, because tired brains will always take the path of least resistance.
2. Track your inner dialogue
When you ‘fail’, what do you say to yourself? Shame is a terrible motivator. Start to tune into that inner chatter and question whether it’s your inner critic or your inner coach speaking. Habits rooted in self-compassion and the desire to grow and feel nurtured are far more sustainable than those driven by guilt.
3. Plan for the wobble
So often, we don’t plan for the hard days. A realistic habit plan makes space for them. If you don’t journal one night or skip a workout, remind yourself ‘it’s not all or nothing’. I encourage you (and myself) to adopt the mantra, ‘Not all of the time but more of the time’. This approach to implementing new habits and pursuing growth expects and allows for our humanness!
4. Anchor your habits to what matters
Habits that last are rooted in meaning. Dig into the reason you’re instilling a new habit and find out your ‘why’. Because if you think about it, it’s not just about doing yoga, it’s about feeling calmer. It’s not just cutting screen time because you feel ashamed at how long you spend scrolling, but about wanting to be more present with your loved ones. When the motivation dips, reconnect to the why beneath the what.
Because the truth is, you don’t need to become someone else in order to stick to habits. You just need to honour the version of you who’s already trying, and gently give her the tools to keep going.
The Good Decision Diary: Your daily guide to making better decisions, more of the time by Anna Mathur
