Ahead of a bill on assisted dying being tabled on Wednesday (16 October), writer Mandy Appleyard shares her own experience of taking her mum to Dignitas.
It’s more than three years since I sat in a sun-filled room in a Zurich apartment, holding my brave and beautiful mum’s hand as she died after drinking a fatal dose of barbiturate.
As her life ebbed away that February morning at Dignitas, her unbearable suffering finally ended. She had achieved, against what had seemed like sometimes impossible odds, the dignified, peaceful and self-determined death her heart had been set on after a severe stroke two years earlier took away her speech, her mobility and her will to live.
So while I celebrate the fact that MP Kim Leadbeater’s Private Members’ Bill means the House of Commons will debate assisted dying (and could even result in its legalisation), I don’t think the debate is nearly wide-reaching enough.
While full details of the bill have not yet been published, it’s expected to focus on legalising assisted dying only for terminally ill adults in England and Wales within six months of end of life.
That means the fate of people like my mother will be unchanged by a law that restricts access to assisted dying to the terminally ill nearing end of life. Many people with potentially disabling conditions such as multiple sclerosis, Huntington’s disease, locked-in syndrome or the devastating consequences of stroke would be denied the chance to die at home with dignity, at a time of their choosing.
Why should a change in the law, if it comes, deny help to people with physical, incurable conditions who face years of constant pain or suffering that they find unbearable?
Surely anyone who is suffering, regardless of how close they might be to the end of life, should have the same right to choose when and how they die? Why restrict access to the law? Dignitas doesn’t: the criteria for an assisted death at their premises in Switzerland are A) terminal illness or B) a life of “intolerable suffering”.
From the day my mother woke in a hospital bed in 2019 to the grim new reality of paralysis, crushing fatigue, complete dependence and severely impaired speech, she communicated to my sister and me that she wanted to die by miming putting a gun to her head.
In the blink of an eye, her life of independence was over, and all the things she loved to do – dancing, gardening, walking on the beach – were impossible. Confined to a wheelchair and dependent on carers for everything, including what she saw as the cruel indignities of personal care, Mum asked us, unwaveringly over two years, to take her to Dignitas.
Helping her to achieve that involved a long and tortuous process of application over several challenging months (all while Covid was wreaking havoc), culminating in her peaceful death in Zurich in February 2021, with my sister and me at her side.
We had tried to talk her out of an assisted death, hoping she would somehow rediscover the will to live. She didn’t.
We accompanied Mum to Dignitas knowing that the maximum penalty for assisting a suicide under UK law is 14 years in prison. We were willing to take the risk: our priority was to help our mother, who was 83, to achieve her final goal.
My sister and I felt – and still feel – that we did the right thing by a mum we adored. We have no regrets, despite the fact that I was under police investigation for nearly two years immediately as we got back from that trip to Switzerland for assisting a suicide.
What Mum (and by association, my sister and I) went through was the darkest, saddest and most stressful of situations. Instead of being able to die peacefully at home in Yorkshire, Mum had to make the arduous, expensive and physically painful journey to a foreign country, knowing her daughters might face legal penalties simply for travelling with her.
And the sad thing is that making assisted dying legal only for terminally ill people at the very end of their lives (and how can any of us calculate with true accuracy how much life we have left?!) would leave people like my mother out in the cold.
What we need is a compassionate law on assisted dying that permits a medically assisted death – with support from a doctor – to adults of sound mind who are suffering intolerably or terminally ill.
I am not the only person who believes this, given that at least 54 parliamentarians are pushing for a wider law to include the “incurably suffering”.
Debate and a change in the law can’t come soon enough as far as I’m concerned. Assisted dying is already a legal right in many countries, so England and Wales are way behind the curve. But change mustn’t come as a timid half-measure: it must be brave and fair.
My mother always hoped there would be a change in the law on assisted dying in this country, so that people would have more choice and control over how they end their lives. She would be heartened by the possibility of important legal change – but disappointed beyond measure if it excluded people like her.
What are your thoughts on assisted dying?
We asked for your views about the legalisation of assisted dying and – on the eve of the bill’s introduction to parliament – here’s what Good Housekeeping readers told us.
More than 1,200 of you responded to our questions on assisted dying, and it seems the time really is right to open the debate. Despite only 4% of you knowing someone who has travelled abroad for an assisted death, 64% believe that assisted dying is humane in the right circumstances, and 41% agree that is should be legalised, believing that this measure is long overdue. But there are also serious concerns that the system could be misused – 34% worry that legalising assisted dying will leave it open to abuse.
Should it be passed, the assisted dying legislation would be restricted to terminally ill people with six months or less to live. We asked whether you think this is broad enough – and while 62% of you told us that you agreed with the proposed restrictions, 56% believe that the legislation should also include anyone with an irrevocably poor quality of life due to physical illness. There is, however, some concern around people who have a long-term disability or long-term health conditions; 45% of you agree that broader legislation could make those feel like a burden, or under pressure to end their life.
You believe strongly in stringent criteria around assisted dying: 81% of you believe this should include a sound of mind assessment by a medical professional; 63% of you think there should be a legal agreement in place; and 59% think that there should be several psychological assessments.
Family matters, and the majority of the Good Housekeeping audience (69%) believe that family members should have some involvement in the decision for the terminally ill person to end their life. However, 29% say that the decision is up to the individual, and family involvement should be completely set aside.
Every one of us deserves a good death – yet on the issue of assisted dying, there is clearly much discussion and debate still to be had. Please let us know your thoughts by emailing good.housekeeping@hearst.co.uk.
