10 Best Relationship Books to Strengthen Your Bond
Self-help advice for those who have been married for years, people who are newly-single and everyone in between.
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There's no use sugarcoating it: Relationships are hard. Living with another person, or even just spending a lot of time together, reveals the good, the bad and the ugly in all involved and learning to get along can be a challenge. Maybe that's why the best relationship books hit the bestseller lists over and over again, because all of us need a little help in that department.
Our favorites aren't preachy or self-righteous, and won't talk down to readers. Instead, they're full of down-to-earth, practical advice on stuff like how not to lose your mind when your sweetie replaces the toilet paper wrong for the thousandth time, how to argue more effectively instead of resorting to name-calling or slamming doors and even how to reconcile your different love languages and why it is that we sometimes want to strangle the people we love most in the world. Whether you've been married to your main squeeze for 50 years or you're just getting back on the dating market and want to brush up on your technique, these great books focus on better communication, strengthening bonds and even a little self-help and self-love, which can give you much-needed perspective and expert guidance on living your best paired-off life.
Because every relationship is as unique as the people in it, the genre also varies widely in approach and target audience. We've rounded up our favorites that are great for a range of different life stages, types of relationships and approaches, so you're virtually guaranteed to find one that speaks to the two of you. And let's face it: some of these aren't exactly light reading, so when you're done here, hop over to our GH Book Club for a feel-good read to balance out your TBR pile.
The All-or-Nothing Marriage by Eli J. Finkel
By doing a deep dive on how marriage has worked from 1620 to the present day, this book looks at how our relationships have evolved alongside society. It offers data-driven "lovehacks" on how to get the most out of yours, making it a must-read for those who like their advice with a side of serious research.
The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman
You've probably heard of the five love languages, and this is the book that explains what they are and how recognizing what makes your partner feel loved can help deepen your relationship. It's a pretty quick, engaging read and one with practical applications you can put into place right away, no therapist's couch required.
You may recognize Esther Perel from her popular podcast, Where Should We Begin, in which the expert therapist applies her decades of counseling experience to real-life relationship quandaries. This book about balancing the paradox of domestic life and sexual attraction is an unparalleled guide to keeping the spark alive or rekindling closeness, both in and outside the bedroom.
Listen, Learn, Love by Susie Albert Miller
If you like your self-help in an actionable package, this 30-day guide is for you. With digestible, practical and even funny tips for how to improve relationships, this book will also keep you accountable with an included progress tracker.
Calling all science lovers (see what we did there?): This book explains how attachment theory works in the relationships we seek out and what makes them succeed or fail. This is a great primer on how to recognize and express your own attachment style and use that self-knowledge to become a better partner and find the right one for you.
RELATED: Here's What It Means to Have an Avoidant Attachment Style in Relationships
The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John M. Gottman, Ph.D. and Nan Silver
Written by one of the country's foremost marriage experts and co-designed with his wife Julie Gottman of the Gottman Method, this book is basically a roadmap to how marriages should function. His findings after studying couples over a period of years are both super straightforward and deeply impactful.
Loving Bravely by Alexander H. Solomon, PhD
You know the saying, "Put your own oxygen mask on first?" By that same principle, you need to know what kind of love you're looking for before you can find it. This book can help you do that, regardless of your current relationship status.
This isn't strictly a relationship book so much as a book about why people who shoulder the weight of the world's emotional labor are collapsing under it, how we got here as a society and where we go from here. If you're the one carrying the bulk of the mental load in your relationship, give this one a read.
More of an advice column in book form than self-help, this is the perfect read for navigating the LBGTQ+ experience, no matter where you are on your journey. Whether you've been in an LGBTQ+ relationship for years or are just dipping your toes into the dating pool, this will help debunk stereotypes, erase painful myths and offer validation that you belong in the queer community.
RELATED: Fantastic LBGTQ+ Reads
This memoir explores the author's foray into the complicated world of ethical non-monogamy, open relationships and polyamory in a book that's both practical and illuminating. It also features interviews with scientists, therapists and other people in open relationships about how it works, why it sometimes doesn't and explores the boundaries of what love can be. It's a fun and fascinating read, even if you're not part of "the lifestyle."
What to look for in relationship books
If you're overwhelmed by the sheer number of relationship books in the self-help section, don't despair. Here are some things to remember.
- Style: Look for the type of help you want, for starters. A book on staying married won't be a great fit if you're newly single and looking to get back out there, for example.
- Issue: Pick up books that speak to your particular issue: Maybe you're interested in learning more about your love language, or you need help establishing and sticking to boundaries. Getting specific about what you want will mean a better chance of finding it.
- Experts: Not just anyone can write an effective self-help book, so look for authors who have the bona fides. Look for psychiatrists, psychologists or researchers who have conducted research in the field or memoirs from people with extensive lived experience to share. Knowing whose advice you're taking can help ensure it's legit and applicable to your own life, too.
How can I improve communication in my relationship?
When it comes to communication, active listening is key. We’ve all gotten so wrapped up in what we want to say that we just wait for the other person to stop talking instead of actually taking in their side of the conversation. Instead, focus on really engaging with your partner, in heated discussions as well as day-to-day chats. It can help to parrot back their perspective to make sure you really get it, by saying something like, “What I hear you said is…did I get that right?” Encourage your partner to do the same, to help you both get and stay on the same page.
Why trust Good Housekeeping?
Lizz Schumer is a two-time author and writing coach, as well as the founder and curator of the Good Housekeeping Book Club, so she always has a TBR pile taller than she is and her finger on the pulse of what's new, what's good and what's worth reading in the wonderful world of books. She has also covered health and relationships for a number of outlets both as a writer and an editor, so she's got an eagle eye for what to look for in relationships advice, too.
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