Recently, someone mentioned the idea of a “grandma shower” to me. I was intrigued. I love giving bubble baths to my 3-year-old granddaughter, but if there was a trick to making showering fun, I was all in.
Turns out, I completely misunderstood. A grandma shower is not a new way to clean your grandchild, but a party — like a baby shower but for a first-time expectant grandmother.
Initially, my reaction was skepticism mixed with embarrassment for my generation. We Boomer and Gen X grandparents have a bad — and not wholly unearned — reputation for putting ourselves at the center of everything. A new baby? This must be all about me! It also seemed like a shameless gift grab.
But the more I learned about this trend, the more I could see the value of a grandma shower — under some circumstances. There are plenty of reasons to celebrate a new grandbaby, but also some potential pitfalls.
On the plus side of showering grandma, this is an exciting rite of passage. “Becoming a grandparent is an extremely important moment,” says Amy Goyer, family and caregiving expert for AARP. “It’s a life transition, a life event, a milestone. Many have been looking forward to it for years and years, so it is something to celebrate.”
With declining birthrates and women delaying childbirth, the average age of first-time grandparents in this country is rising. More than a few of my friends have fretted that by the time they finally have a grandchild to sit down and play with, they won’t be able to get back off the floor. Another joked, “A grandma shower? What do we get — matching bibs?”
But becoming a grandparent has always been a joyous occasion, so why the new need for a special party?
According to those who follow grandparenting trends, it depends on the individual circumstances of the family and the nature of the party itself. In many cases, a grandma shower is simply practical. Goyer points out that an increasing number of grandparents are raising their grandchildren. U.S. Census data shows that roughly 2.3 million American grandparents are solely responsible for their grandchildren, with a third of those kids younger than six.
At the same time, many grandparents live on fixed incomes — and the price of baby gear has increased dramatically. More than 70% of strollers, car seats and cribs sold in the US are produced in China. According to Consumer Reports, new tariffs are expected to result in price increases of roughly 30%.
Grandparents can’t resurrect the gear they used for their own kids because much of it is now deemed unsafe. Under those circumstances, wanting to shower grandma with a much-needed safe car seat or crib makes sense. This also holds true for grandparents who are providing childcare in their own home. Hauling a baby, a crib, a car seat, a highchair, and other everyday equipment between two houses is a logistical and physical feat, especially if you’re elderly.
New parents, of course, are also struggling with rising costs, and sometimes a grandparent shower can help there too. Goyer suggests linking a grandma shower with a parent’s baby registry. A grandparent may live far away from their offspring and have friends who don’t know the expectant parents. Those friends might throw a party for the grandparent, with gifts to fill in the blanks of what the parents need.
Alternately, Grandma showers also don’t need to be about stuff. Yes, Amazon sells “Grandma Shower decorations,” complete with beauty contest-style banners that read, “Grandma to Be” and even “Promoted to Glam-Ma.” But simply getting together with friends to celebrate may be enough to mark the milestone.
“I personally have not experienced a grandma shower, but I love the idea of a grandma-to-be sitting in a circle of wise, supportive grandmas who want to celebrate her exciting new status,” says Donne Davis, founder of the GaGa Sisterhood, a website and blog for grandmothers. “What I envision for this ‘shower’ would be wisdom. They could each write down a bit of advice they’ve learned as grandmas and share it in the group.”
Another thought is a book-themed shower, giving the grandma-to-be books to read to the grandchild. This works for long-distance grandparents, too, because they can read to the little one online. One blogger suggested using the word “sprinkle” instead of “shower” to emphasize the light touch such events should aim for.
How do mothers-to-be feel about Grandma showers? There’s plenty of snarky online chatter on the topic. Comments on Reddit include “Your generation is so entitled and spoiled,” “Granny had her moment in the sun,” and “I swear if my mother ever tries to pull this [expletive] she will never see this baby.” Others were more generous: “If they’re going to throw down helping with free childcare, I’m all for it.”
Blair Smith, who is seven months pregnant with her first child, is more even-handed. “In some families, the grandmother steps in for a lot of child care, and if that's the case, then it makes sense that a shower would set her up for success with the right supplies,” she says. “For any other reason, I think this sort of shower seems more like a gift grab and could be met with eye rolls. Perhaps a nicer way to celebrate a grandmother's first grandchild is if her friends took her out to lunch to mark the occasion. Something casual that isn't rooted in consumerism feels like a nicer and more personal touch.”
Sofie Hodara, who expects her first child this fall, doesn’t begrudge her mother either attention or gifts. “My mom should definitely be celebrated,” she says. “She’s going to be a big part of the child’s life and I’m going to ask a lot of her.”
But that doesn’t necessarily mean she or her mother want more stuff, Hodara clarifies. “I don’t even want a shower or registry for myself," she says. "I’m moving, still unpacking boxes, going to work, in the middle of my life, and I don’t need a party. Also, I just don’t want to jinx anything.” Hodara, who is very close to her mom, plans on borrowing baby things from friends whose own children have outgrown them. The only item she’s splurged for is a new stroller.
All in all, I think grandma showers are fine for those who want them, provided they’re not over-the-top and are respectful of the expectant mother. As for me, I can’t imagine a greater gift than the joy of those bubble baths.
Guidelines for Giving a Grandma Shower
- Showers are for first-time grandmothers only.
- Do not invite the same people to a baby shower and a grandmother shower. That’s double-dipping.
- Don't throw your own grandma shower! It should be given by a friend or co-worker.
- Always clear the idea of having a grandma shower with the parents-to-be. If they don’t like the idea, skip it. With grace. This will be your first act as a new grandmother, and you want to start out on the right foot.
