My dad was 54 when he died of pancreatic cancer two decades ago. As I inch closer to that age myself, I can’t help but compare the scared girl I was to the accepting, pragmatic woman I’ve become. As it turns out, his passing became a conduit through which I’m confronting what he couldn’t.
Of all the feelings my father’s passing stirs up, curiosity tops the list. Yes, I wonder what he (ever the strategist) would say about my laissez-faire way of life, or how his trademark pancake recipe would’ve evolved through his tireless trial-and-error. But even more frequently, I think about what it would be like if my family had had the empathetic end-of-life support that’s so much more available today.
I’m heartened by how many death-positive organizations there are now, and I wish I’d known then about longer-established services like Dignity Memorial®, a leader in helping families plan personalized, meaningful remembrances through cremation, funeral, cemetery and celebration of life services.
My dad was from a generation that didn’t believe in talking about sensitive, private issues, and, at least in his case, that extended to end-of-life arrangements. Throughout his illness, he rarely discussed the realities of his terminal outlook, let alone any service and burial wishes.
This left me, my sister and my mother to tackle it all alongside his palliative care — while also managing our own grief. We did the best we could, but it would’ve made all the difference if there had been a pre-planned and prepaid funeral and we’d had an expert like those at Dignity Memorial to help us handle the details. We could have gathered with extended family and friends for a healing experience, played his favorite music (’80s prog rock); fundraised for a charity close to his heart (something involving animal rescue or history, surely); and shared our favorite stories.
The valuable lessons my father taught me — in both life and death — have empowered me to embrace and communicate my own end-of-life wishes. I know all too well that you can’t control when and how you’ll go. But I also know you can design your farewell to be both unique and less burdensome for your loved ones.
It’s freeing to give yourself and others this gift of security and certainty during an emotionally trying time. And you’ll be surprised at how alive the acceptance of your mortality will make you feel.
Dignity Memorial makes planning a beautiful, personal remembrance easy and accessible, with knowledgeable experts who guide you through each step. Learn more at DignityMemorial.com.
Oak Hill Funeral Home & Memorial Park; FD 901; COA 469; San Jose, CA | Memorial Oaks Funeral Home & Cemetery; Houston, TX; www.prepaidfunerals.texas.gov | Hardage-Giddens Oaklawn Chapel; Jacksonville, FL
