Skip to Content

The Absolute Rudest Things You Can Do at a Wedding

First of all, if you RSVP'd "yes" and don't feel like going anymore, that's not a good reason to skip.

By and Charlotte Chilton
 
Thanakorn Phanthura / EyeEm//Getty Images

Weddings can be incredible. Or they can be a nightmare. Or a bit of both. But one thing is for sure: Special events are only as great as the guests who attend them. And you never want to be the one to put a damper on someone’s big day.

We’ve all seen egregious behavior go down at a wedding. Who among us hasn’t brought a date who drank so much he fell on the dance floor and knocked over the bride?

But rude wedding etiquette isn’t just about the big, embarrassing scenes. There are lots of small- and medium-sized ways to be that guest who adds extra stress whether you mean to or not. To really bring your best self to someone’s special day, it’s important to respect their wishes and show up with love and awareness of how much the couple poured into their event.

From what you wear to what gift you bring (hint: use the wedding registry!), brush up on these tips from event planners and etiquette experts to make sure you avoid common faux pas and arrive at your next wedding as an A+ guest.

1

You arrive too early.

wedding etiquette arrival time
Matt Anderson Photography//Getty Images

Yes, being punctual is polite, but arriving to the ceremony more than 30 minutes early can get in the way of final touches and ultimately cause more stress for the couple. "It's better to wait in your car than go into the venue and risk stressing out the bride by seeing her before the ceremony," says the founder of Perfectly Posh Events, Holly Patton Olsen.

2

Or you arrive too late.

wedding etiquette arriving late
Kathrin Ziegler//Getty Images

The general rule of thumb for arriving to the ceremony is that you should be in your seat 10 minutes before it is supposed to start. "Walking in as the bride (or groom) is walking down the aisle in incredibly rude and ruins video and photos that are being taken," shares Brand Hamerstone, owner of All Events Planned.

Advertisement - Continue Reading Below
3

You dress like a bridesmaid on purpose.

bridesmaids   bad wedding etiquette
Lanny Ziering//Getty Images

If you don't know what the bridesmaids dresses look like, this faux pas may be unavoidable. If you do know, steer clear of their color palette. "If a guest knows what the wedding party is wearing, it's appropriate to avoid looking as if she (or he) is part of the group," says Chertoff. Sidestep the exact same color or silhouettes to be respectful and help keep the bridal party distinguished.

RELATED: 15 Wedding Guest Dresses (With and Without Sleeves) That Are Perfect for Fall

4

You grab a bottle from the open bar.

bad wedding etiquette
Michelle Arnold / EyeEm//Getty Images

Grabbing a beer at an open bar? Totally fine. An entire bottle of champagne (or something harder)? Definitely not okay. "The last thing you want is to be the main topic of your friend's wedding conversation," says Gottsman. Keep it classy and let the waiter or bartender do the pouring.

RELATED: 12 Hangover Kit Essentials That'll Save Your Wedding Party the Next Morning

Advertisement - Continue Reading Below
5

You take the vase full of flowers.

Flowers - Bad Wedding Etiquette
Liliboas//Getty Images

It's an unspoken rule that wedding guests are allowed to take the floral centerpieces on the dining tables. That doesn't mean vases are up for grabs, however. "You don't want the couple to end up with a bill for your lapse of judgement," says Spiegel.

RELATED: 14 DIY Floral Garland Ideas for Spring Parties and Weddings

6

You get aggressive during the bouquet toss.

wedding bouquet   bad wedding etiquette
Ronnie Kaufman//Getty Images

Being too forceful during this tradition simply isn't a good look. "You don't want to appear overly eager, nor do you want to come across as if you are catching a pass on the football field," says national etiquette expert Diane Gottsman, author of Modern Etiquette for a Better Life and founder of The Protocol School of Texas. "Allow the bouquet to land naturally in the direction which it is tossed, without any pushing or shoving — for the sake of appearance and civility."

Advertisement - Continue Reading Below
7

You notify the couple when something's wrong.

brides   bad wedding etiquette
Johner Images//Getty Images

Between enjoying their special day and making sure that guests are having a good time, the newlyweds have enough to worry about. "If something's gone wrong during the wedding, do not point it out to the couple or their immediate family members," says Josh Spiegel, Creative Director and President of Birch Event Design. "You don't want to add any stress or frustration during the big day." If you can't stop thinking about the issue at hand, notify the venue staff.

8

You switch your order at a plated dinner.

bad wedding etiquette
Martina Lanotte / EyeEm//Getty Images

If you've checked yes to "chicken" or "fish" on the invitation, changing your mind last-minute throws off the balance. One exception? If you learn that there's an ingredient in your choice that you're allergic to, in which case "politely asking to switch from fish to chicken may be appropriate," says Gottsman. In any other situation, go with your original choice.

Advertisement - Continue Reading Below
9

You complain about the quality of the food.

bad wedding etiquette
RyersonClark//Getty Images

Speaking of dinner, complaining about the food is flat-out rude. (And, truth be told, a bit tired.) "You will appear boorish and ill-mannered. Keep your opinions to yourself and be grateful you are included in the couple's special day," advises Gottsman. Even if it's not a five-star gourmet meal, appreciate that the couple has likely invested quite a bit in the dinner — and it's not about the food, anyway.

10

You act tired or bored.

bored   bad wedding etiquette
George Doyle//Getty Images

As peak wedding season winds down, it's natural that your excitement to attend yet another wedding does, too. "Once you've made the commitment to go to a wedding, no matter how many weddings you attended that last month, and no matter how badly you were inconvenienced by the timing, be excited and give it your all," Spiegel tells us. Think about it this way: You wouldn't want to witness someone sulking on your special day, would ya?

Advertisement - Continue Reading Below
11

You get upset about your own romantic life.

bad wedding etiquette
Hero Images//Getty Images

If you're in a tough spot in your own love life, weddings can bring up some not-so-happy feelings. But getting overly emotional (especially after a few glasses of champagne) isn't okay. If something comes up, "Remove yourself from the situation until you can gain your composure," suggests Gottsman.

If getting upset sounds inevitable, consider politely declining your invitation. "If you are going through a rocky divorce, it may be in your emotional best interest to sit this one out," she adds.

12

You ignore the dress code.

bad wedding etiquette
wundervisuals//Getty Images

If a wedding invitation says "black tie optional," showing up in a sundress and sandals simply isn't appropriate — nor is showing up in a ball gown for a casual wedding. Do your best to stick to the dress code. This is especially important if there are religious reasons involved. For example: "If the ceremony is in a house of worship that requires covered shoulders," says Anne Chertoff, wedding etiquette trainer at Beaumont Etiquette.

Advertisement - Continue Reading Below
13

You can't make it anymore, and you don't let anyone know.

bad wedding etiquette
Emilija Manevska//Getty Images

First of all, if you RSVP'd "yes" and don't feel like going anymore, that's not a good reason to skip. But emergencies happen, and if you can no longer attend, it's important to tell someone. Chertoff says if it's before the wedding day, you can let the couple know directly. But if it's on their wedding day, connect with a parent of the couple or a member of the wedding party to relay the message and apologies.

14

You leave your wedding favor behind.

bad wedding etiquette
Pete Ark//Getty Images

Chances are, the couple won't know you've left your wedding favor behind, but it's still polite to take it with you if you're on the fence (it's technically a gift, after all). On the flip side? Don't try and reclaim one if you forgot. "It's possible that the couple has a few extra favors at home that a guest could pick up, but in most instances, a guest shouldn't attempt to track one down," says Chertoff.

RELATED: 20 Personalized Wedding Favor Ideas That'll Make Your Guests Feel Loved

Advertisement - Continue Reading Below
15

You don't try to acknowledge the happy couple.

bad wedding etiquette
Hinterhaus Productions//Getty Images

At, say, a 300-person wedding, it's not unfathomable that the happy couple wouldn't have time to speak with every guest. But it's important to at least try to say hello, goodbye, or congrats. (Except when they're enjoying their dinner, that is.) "If a guest didn't get a moment with the couple, he or she can reach out the day after via phone or email to wish them congratulations and tell them what a lovely time they had at the wedding," suggests Chertoff.

16

You RSVP for one, and then bring a date.

bad wedding etiquette
Thomas Barwick//Getty Images

If you're given a plus one on your invite, go ahead and RSVP for two. But if you RSVP'd for one and find yourself with a new fling as the wedding date draws nearer, it's best to stick with your solo plan. "It can throw the count off for food and beverage and guest party favors," explains Elaine Swann, founder of The Swann School of Protocol.

Advertisement - Continue Reading Below
17

You forget to turn your phone on silent during the ceremony.

bad wedding etiquette
Hinterhaus Productions//Getty Images

The background music to "I do" shouldn't be your ringtone. But if your phone does go off, there's only one way to handle it, according to Swann: "Simply locate your device, turn it off quickly, and turn your attention and your focus back to the ceremony. This will cause others to do the same."

18

You text the bride or groom on their wedding day.

bad wedding etiquette
Hans Neleman//Getty Images

Even worse: the text is asking for details or advice. "This is a very big day for them with lots of moving parts, and they should be left alone to enjoy their day," says Swann. Already hit send? "Once you recognize your mistake, send another text message and let them know that you'll get assistance or help or an answer from someone else."

Advertisement - Continue Reading Below
19

You add your own private "narration" to the ceremony.

bad wedding etiquette
wundervisuals//Getty Images

Apart from the occasional (and very quiet) "aww," talking during the ceremony is simply not okay. It should go without saying, but save your personal comments for after the wedding.

20

You don't respect the religious rituals.

jewish ceremony   bad wedding etiquette
Frank Rosenstein//Getty Images

Regardless of your own beliefs, it's important to respect the couple's choices on such a sacred day. "When you refuse to participate in or respect religious rituals during the ceremony it can offend not only the bride and groom, but also their family members," says Swann.

"It is important, however, to remain committed to your own personal faith, and if their religious rituals contradict your faith the best way to handle it is to bow out gracefully by either remaining silent or passing on whatever the ritual is, but don't make a fuss of it," she adds.

Headshot of Amanda Garrity

Amanda Garrity is a lifestyle writer and editor with over seven years of experience, including five years on staff at Good Housekeeping, where she covered all things home and holiday, including the latest interior design trends, inspiring DIY ideas and gift guides for any (and every) occasion. She also has a soft spot for feel-good TV, so you can catch her writing about popular shows like Virgin River, Sweet Magnolias, Hallmark Channel’s When Calls the Heart and more. 

Watch Next 
bad wedding etiquette 
Advertisement - Continue Reading Below