There’s something timeless about a truly bad joke — stay with us here — the kind that makes you groan, roll your eyes, and then immediately share it with everyone you know. Whether it's a pun so painful it’s brilliant or a one-liner that makes even dad jokes seem edgy, bad jokes have a special place in our hearts. They're easy to remember, fun for all ages, and perfect for car rides, awkward silences, or embarrassing your kids in public.
From cheesy classics to intentionally terrible zingers, we’ve rounded up the very best bad jokes out there. Bookmark this list for your next laugh — even (or especially?) if it comes with a heavy dose of secondhand embarrassment.
Classic Bad Jokes
Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts.
I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.
What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho cheese.
I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands.
Parallel lines have so much in common. It’s a shame they’ll never meet.
Why did the golfer bring two pairs of socks? In case he got a hole in one.
What do you call a fish wearing a tuxedo? Sofishticated.
What’s brown and sticky? A stick.
I invented a new word: plagiarism.
Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything.
Bad One-Liners
I'm reading a book on anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down.
I was wondering why the frisbee kept getting bigger... then it hit me.
I used to be a kleptomaniac, but I’m taking something for it now.
I used to be addicted to soap, but I got clean.
I’m on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it.
The rotation of the earth really makes my day.
I told my suitcase there would be no vacation this year. Now I’m dealing with emotional baggage.
What do you call a can opener that doesn’t work? A can’t opener.
My boss told me to have a good day... so I went home.
I don’t trust stairs. They’re always up to something.
Cringey Dad Jokes
What do you call someone with no body and no nose? Nobody nose.
Want to hear a construction joke? I’m still working on it.
I ordered a chicken and an egg from the internet. I’ll let you know.
What do you call a factory that makes meh stuff? A satisfactory.
I used to hate facial hair — but after a while, it grew on me.
I’m afraid for the calendar. Its days are numbered.
Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
Why don’t oysters donate to charity? Because they’re shellfish.
Singing in the shower is fun until the shampoo gets in your mouth... then it’s a soap opera.
Why did the stadium get hot after the concert? All the fans went home.
What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.
What kind of shoes do ninjas wear? Sneakers.
Why don’t some couples go to the gym? Because some relationships don’t work out.
Why did the man get hit by a bike every day? He was stuck in a vicious cycle.
Animal-Themed Bad Jokes
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.
What’s the best way to watch a fly fishing tournament? Live stream.
Why did the crab never share his food? Because he was shellfish.
What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.
Why can’t you trust ducks? They’re always quacking jokes.
What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.
Why did the horse go behind the tree? To change his jockeys.
Why don’t cats play poker in the jungle? There are too many cheetahs.
What’s a pig’s favorite karate move? The pork chop.
What do you call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer.
What did the dog say when he sat on steel wool? “Ruff!”
Bad Puns
I once got into a fight with a broken elevator — it was just wrong on so many levels.
I was going to tell a time-traveling joke, but you guys didn’t like it.
I used to be a banker, but I lost interest.
I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport. I’m just doing it for kicks.
I’d tell you a chemistry joke, but I know I wouldn’t get a reaction.
I wanted to be a baker, but I couldn't make enough dough.
I once got into a fight with a broken elevator. I took it to another level.
I only know 25 letters of the alphabet. I don’t know y.
I once wrote a song about a tortilla… but it was more of a wrap.
I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I’m OK, but I feel like I’ve dyed a little inside.
Short Bad Jokes for Kids
What did the ocean say to the beach? Nothing, it just waved.
Why did the banana go to the doctor? It wasn’t peeling well.
How do you make a tissue dance? Put a little boogie in it.
What kind of tree fits in your hand? A palm tree.
Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven eight nine.
What do elves learn in school? The elf-abet.
Why can’t you give Elsa a balloon? Because she’ll let it go.
Why don’t eggs tell jokes? They’d crack each other up.
Why did the student get hungry? Because the teacher told him homework was a piece of cake.
What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot.
Bad Knock-Knock Jokes
Knock knock. Who’s there? Atch. Atch who? Bless you!
Knock knock. Who’s there? Lettuce. Lettuce who? Lettuce in, it’s cold out here!
Knock knock. Who’s there? Tank. Tank who? You’re welcome!
Knock knock. Who’s there? Boo. Boo who? Aw, don’t cry — it’s just a joke!
Knock knock. Who’s there? Olive. Olive who? Olive you and I miss you!
Knock knock. Who’s there? Canoe. Canoe who? Canoe come out and play?
Knock knock. Who’s there? Harry. Harry who? Harry up and answer the door!
Knock knock. Who’s there? Alpaca. Alpaca who? Alpaca the suitcase — you load the car!
Knock knock. Who’s there? Nobel. Nobel who? No bell, that’s why I’m knocking!
Knock knock. Who’s there? Dishes. Dishes who? Dishes the police, open up!
Alesandra is a digital travel and lifestyle journalist based in Los Angeles whose work has appeared in Good Housekeeping, Woman’s Day, Prevention, Insider, Glamour, Shondaland, AFAR, Parents, TODAY and countless other online and print outlets. Alesandra has a masters degree in journalism with an emphasis on cultural reporting and criticism from NYU, and a bachelor’s degree from UC Berkeley. An avid traveler, she trots the globe with her husband and their twins.
