72 Funny Valentine's Day Quotes to Make Them Laugh
Poke a little fun at romance with these funny quotes from comedians, pop culture and more.
It’s ok to love Valentine’s Day and all the chocolates and flowers. It’s also okay to feel frustrated by the holiday or to poke some fun at it! Whether you’re single and fed up with the Valentine’s Day hype or in love and looking for a little laughter, these funny Valentine’s Day quotes will tickle your funny bone, if not your heart. Either way, these will balance out some of the romantic quotes about love you see this time of year and remind you that the holiday is also just a day. Your romantic prospects for the whole year don’t hinge on only this one day — we promise! Comedy favorites like Will Ferrell, Jimmy Fallon and Jerry Seinfeld weigh in with plenty of laughs, alongside quotes from favorite shows like The Office and 30 Rock.
Ambrose Bierce
Love: A temporary insanity curable by marriage.
Erich Segal
True love comes quietly without banners or flashing lights. If you hear bells, get your ears checked.
Sophie Monroe
The brain is the most outstanding organ. It works 24/7, 365 from birth until you fall in love.
Milton Berle
All my wife wanted for Valentine’s Day was a little card — American Express.
‘Sixteen Candles’
That’s why they call them crushes. If they were easy, they’d call them something else.
Unknown
Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand.
Rita Rudner
I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
Fran Lebowitz
If you can stay in love for more than two years, you're on something.
Elizabeth Taylor
I am a very committed wife. And I should be committed too — for being married so many times.
George Burns
Love is a lot like a backache, it doesn’t show up on x-rays, but you know it’s there.
Jerry Seinfeld
Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women; a little bit of support and a little bit of freedom.
'The Office’
Would I rather be feared or loved? Easy. Both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.
Lucille Ball
A man who correctly guesses a woman's age may be smart, but he’s not very bright.
‘30 Rock’
No, love is hiding who you really are at all times, even when you're sleeping. Love is wearing makeup to bed and going downstairs to the Burger King to poop, and hiding alcohol in perfume bottles. That's love.
Pauline Thomason
Love is blind — marriage is the eye-opener.
Unknown
You know that tingly little feeling you get when you like someone? That is your common sense leaving your body.
"House, M.D."
You know how people say, 'You can’t live without love'? Well, oxygen is even more important.
Jules Renard
Love is an hourglass, with the heart filling up as the brain empties.
Albert Einstein
Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. So each is inevitably disappointed.
Ralphie May
As a man in a relationship, you have two choices: You can be right, or you can be happy.
As an Editorial Fellow for Good Housekeeping, Katie covers health, beauty, home, and pop culture. Outside of the office, you can find her killing it on the karaoke machine or listening to true crime podcasts.
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