40 Funny Quotes About Motherhood to Help Bring a Smile to Mom's Face

Becoming a mom to me means you have accepted that for 16 years of your life, you will have a sticky purse.

Hates it ... My son hates my singing voice ...

Parenting is f---ing hard.

I'm one of five kids. My husband is one of four, so we're officially breeders.

Like all parents, my husband and I just do the best we can, and hold our breath, and hope we've set aside enough money to pay for our kids' therapy.

First of all, you haven't seen your vagina in months, even though it's all her fault you're in this situation. Now that you can finally confirm that she is, in fact, still there, she isn't the gal that you remember, and would rather you back off and give her some space (and an ice diaper) for the time being, thank you very much.

I can be covered in spit up on a conference call while I'm pumping and that's okay, because this is my perfect. It may not be somebody else's, but this is mine.

Wine is necessary.

It’s the best acting of my life right here, the well-rested woman. It’s my finest role.

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Motherhood is basically finding activities for children in three-hour pockets of time for the rest of your life.

Having a baby is just living in the constant unexpected, you never know when you're gonna get crapped on or when you're gonna get a big smile or when that smile immediately turns into hysterics.

Does this baby make me look fat?

A toy Tamagotchi is more communicative than a human baby, OK? Because the toy will at least tell you when it poos.

I used to give my friends who have kids advice all the time, and they would look at me like I had three heads. And then, when I had two, I literally apologized to all my friends.

I met my match. She is very demanding, like, I can’t believe I have a boss. When my baby wanna eat, she wanna eat. It’s not like, “Oh three minutes?” No. Give me the milk now.

The majority of my diet is made up of foods that my kid didn't finish.

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Every day when you're raising kids, you feel like you could cry or crack up and just scream 'This is ridiculous!' because there's so much nonsense, whether it's what they're saying to you or the fact that there's avocado or poop on every surface.

Sleep at this point is just a concept, something I'm looking forward to investigating in the future.

After we got home from the hospital, I didn’t shower for a week, and then John and I were like, 'Let’s go out for dinner.’ I could last only about an hour because my boobs were exploding. When the milk first comes in, it’s like a tsunami. But we went, just to prove to ourselves that we could feel normal for a second.

When your children are teenagers, it's important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you.